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Krista's Sistas - a mom-E-communityAdjusting Our Lenses
You will never have this day with your children again. Tomorrow, they'll be a little bit older than they were today. This day is a gift. Breathe and notice. Smell and touch them; study their faces and little feet and pay attention. Relish the charms of the present.
Enjoy today, Mama. It will be over before you know it.
-Jen Hatmaker
My daughter will soon be growing - ever too quickly - into another year of life, and while I am still a "pup" in mom years myself, I do feel like, along with her, I am beginning to grow and make my way across the new mom hump. Meaning: the honeymoon phase of how I view my child has passed (at least slightly); I am beginning to feel more comfortable in my parenting style; and I bathe more frequently. And so when I meet new moms and their babies - after first drooling all over them (me, not the babies) - I notice that I now have that one, seasoned mom pearl of wisdom I tend to share across the board. I always joke that I am only confident in my non-confidence, because I have never felt worthy of giving advice until my kids were fully grown and not living in a box somewhere cursing me. I don't know if it will change, but the words are basically this: "Have fun." Even when you have to discipline - have fun! Even when you have to carry your screaming offspring out of a Chik-fil-a like a FedEx package while everyone stares - have fun! And especially in the everyday, mundane routines like driving them to school, grocery shopping, and reading the same book so many times you are actually reciting it with your eyes closed out of sheer exhaustion and superhuman memory - HAVE FUN! Or, in other words, don't sweat the small stuff. I mean, seriously. Because it is small. Life is just too incredibly short to let a tantrum, a judgy comment from a stranger, or the same routines day after day make you feel stressed, unhappy, or that you aren't a good mom because these things sometimes happen to you.
I had a moment some months ago where as my husband and I were looking at baby pictures of our daughter and he was recounting the joys of that stage or the highlights of that particularly beautiful day, I found myself thinking the opposite. I would think about the things I thought weren't going quite right in those moments, things like: "I remember I couldn't get her to nap that whole week," or, "I didn't expose her to enough at that age." I had this moment where I just sort of paused and looked at him, appreciating his recount, because I had found that everything I worried about and thought I was failing at had kept me from that memory. I had remembered taking the picture; the fun I had in choosing her outfit, maybe even the weather that day, but I hadn't remembered with as much clarity as my husband what exactly she was smiling at that day, what she might have been learning in that moment, or been really present at all. I was consumed with so much worry about eating habits and sleep patterns that pictures of our beautiful daughter doing things like picking her first flower became a memory of what I had been concerned with at that time. These pictures had been taken all wrong. And so, I began to look back through the pictures, this time in the shoes of my husband or non-shoe's of my little one; what truly joyful, miraculous times these have been. . . Imagine if I had adjusted my lens a little sooner, a little better.
And this is why I preach, even in the moments or seasons of parenting that are not fun - that are stinky, challenging, blood-boiling, exhausting - I implore you: have fun. This, too, shall pass. But that also goes for the moments you want to remember the right way, too. The bright side to all of this is that I realized it now, before the pictures faded. And even now, several years later, I feel as if I can look back on those memories with a fresh look, and get to relive those picturesque moments all over again.
I had a moment some months ago where as my husband and I were looking at baby pictures of our daughter and he was recounting the joys of that stage or the highlights of that particularly beautiful day, I found myself thinking the opposite. I would think about the things I thought weren't going quite right in those moments, things like: "I remember I couldn't get her to nap that whole week," or, "I didn't expose her to enough at that age." I had this moment where I just sort of paused and looked at him, appreciating his recount, because I had found that everything I worried about and thought I was failing at had kept me from that memory. I had remembered taking the picture; the fun I had in choosing her outfit, maybe even the weather that day, but I hadn't remembered with as much clarity as my husband what exactly she was smiling at that day, what she might have been learning in that moment, or been really present at all. I was consumed with so much worry about eating habits and sleep patterns that pictures of our beautiful daughter doing things like picking her first flower became a memory of what I had been concerned with at that time. These pictures had been taken all wrong. And so, I began to look back through the pictures, this time in the shoes of my husband or non-shoe's of my little one; what truly joyful, miraculous times these have been. . . Imagine if I had adjusted my lens a little sooner, a little better.
And this is why I preach, even in the moments or seasons of parenting that are not fun - that are stinky, challenging, blood-boiling, exhausting - I implore you: have fun. This, too, shall pass. But that also goes for the moments you want to remember the right way, too. The bright side to all of this is that I realized it now, before the pictures faded. And even now, several years later, I feel as if I can look back on those memories with a fresh look, and get to relive those picturesque moments all over again.
Tags: happiness, joy, have fun, positive thoughts (add/remove)
