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Krista's Sistas - a mom-E-communityKrista's First Blog Post
Welcome to Krista's Sistas!
It takes a village to raise a Mother.
-Anonymous
What is Krista's Sistas, you might ask? I've had to ask it myself several times in creating this site. Even as I write this, I am still in the middle of the process and fine-tuning it as I go. It may start out as one thing, grow to be another - kind of like how raising children and becoming a mother can be. We don't really know until it happens, and even then we are re-defining ourselves, what we thought it should be like, and hoping to keep our principles intact in the process. But, as any mother can attest to, there are a hundred reasons why we do the things we do, and just why there is a Krista's Sistas. . .
Becoming a new mother changes just about everything, and many of those things I didn't even realize until it hit me a year later like a ton of Legos. Some people emphasize change in sleep, change in body, change in time, but it changes everything. In the most wonderful, full-circle, incredible, insane way - I might add - but it does change. Now I do not mean for this to have a negative connotation - not one bit! If there's any mother who has revelled in motherhood, it's been me. Despite everyone's well-meaning advice, I comfort-nursed anytime, anywhere, and for as long as my LO wanted; I took selfies, stared, and held my DD every minute of her naps for nearly every single day for over a year; let her live on my hip and covered her in kisses until she batted me away. I've loved every single second, because I knew it would go fast, and I never thought I could love something so much - and love something needing me so much - that even a trip to the grocery store was too long away from her (it's okay, you can roll your eyes).
But if I had to focus on one, core reason as to why there is a Krista's Sistas, it was how much it changed fellowship among my peers: family interactions, loss of contact with kid-less friends, and, primarily, the difficulty in finding community for myself, my husband, and our daughter. I didn't expect motherhood to feel so separating; like it was my first day of sixth grade, looking for a place to sit during lunch, waiting for another pair of longing eyes to meet mine that said "Sit here, fellow loner!" I was voted Nicest Personality in eighth grade, and I'd never had a hard time making friends before - how hard could it be? Even for the girl next door, finding community for you and your little can be tough these days, and I feel like I am proof of this. I could tell you story after story of well-meaning attempts to join groups that crashed and burned - in addition to my self-esteem - but to keep things short, let's just say it brought me here. I couldn't be the only one struggling with this, wondering if there's a Match.com for mommy & me friends; inviting someone over for dinner five minutes after meeting them because it's some sort of proof they can stand you (which, looking back, may have scared them off); or not wanting to leave the house for fear of judgement, embarrassment, or just being plain tired of feeling like an outcast. Which is no one's fault, I must emphasize, but the reality of my social situation did dampen what I had envisioned the mothering experience would be like. It started to seriously matter when I noticed I was getting a social anxiety that my daughter was really picking up on. My husband and I were also the first on both sides of the family, as well as our friends, to have a kid, so on top of it we were low on peers to share, mingle, vent, laugh, and connect with. So after many, many months, I finally grew tired. I remember the feeling of rock bottom when I Google'd: "How to make new friends."
The moral of this initial post is that I was amazed at how much the online platform gave me support, encouragement, acceptance. . . I was surprised that I found my old-fashioned self preferring, and relying on, online communities to help feel more supported and socialized as a new mom. And I knew that if I could talk through another traumatic play date experience before or after my public humiliation, I actually felt more calm, confident, and laughed off my uncanny ability to make what should be a normal social outing a train wreck of awkwardness.
The truth of the matter is that mothering without an even semi-close mommy cohort hurt my daughter as well as myself. I could deal, but my daughter didn't need to miss out as a result. We humans are a communal and intertwined bunch, and for a family to feel isolated is, in my belief, against human nature. Especially in these times. I would genuinely wonder things like: Is there such a thing as being too nice? Is it because I only showered twice this week? I think as the pond gets bigger, the harder it can be to find fish that are alike, and that it takes some of us more time than others. But if I needed to create a mom-E-community to help it along, I'm sure I wouldn't be the only one to benefit. Writing has been a great way for me to dust off my English degree, reflect on the ever-so-quickening time I have with my daughter, and, in the process, discover the lessons each stage of motherhood brings.
So. . . Wanna be Sista?
Becoming a new mother changes just about everything, and many of those things I didn't even realize until it hit me a year later like a ton of Legos. Some people emphasize change in sleep, change in body, change in time, but it changes everything. In the most wonderful, full-circle, incredible, insane way - I might add - but it does change. Now I do not mean for this to have a negative connotation - not one bit! If there's any mother who has revelled in motherhood, it's been me. Despite everyone's well-meaning advice, I comfort-nursed anytime, anywhere, and for as long as my LO wanted; I took selfies, stared, and held my DD every minute of her naps for nearly every single day for over a year; let her live on my hip and covered her in kisses until she batted me away. I've loved every single second, because I knew it would go fast, and I never thought I could love something so much - and love something needing me so much - that even a trip to the grocery store was too long away from her (it's okay, you can roll your eyes).
But if I had to focus on one, core reason as to why there is a Krista's Sistas, it was how much it changed fellowship among my peers: family interactions, loss of contact with kid-less friends, and, primarily, the difficulty in finding community for myself, my husband, and our daughter. I didn't expect motherhood to feel so separating; like it was my first day of sixth grade, looking for a place to sit during lunch, waiting for another pair of longing eyes to meet mine that said "Sit here, fellow loner!" I was voted Nicest Personality in eighth grade, and I'd never had a hard time making friends before - how hard could it be? Even for the girl next door, finding community for you and your little can be tough these days, and I feel like I am proof of this. I could tell you story after story of well-meaning attempts to join groups that crashed and burned - in addition to my self-esteem - but to keep things short, let's just say it brought me here. I couldn't be the only one struggling with this, wondering if there's a Match.com for mommy & me friends; inviting someone over for dinner five minutes after meeting them because it's some sort of proof they can stand you (which, looking back, may have scared them off); or not wanting to leave the house for fear of judgement, embarrassment, or just being plain tired of feeling like an outcast. Which is no one's fault, I must emphasize, but the reality of my social situation did dampen what I had envisioned the mothering experience would be like. It started to seriously matter when I noticed I was getting a social anxiety that my daughter was really picking up on. My husband and I were also the first on both sides of the family, as well as our friends, to have a kid, so on top of it we were low on peers to share, mingle, vent, laugh, and connect with. So after many, many months, I finally grew tired. I remember the feeling of rock bottom when I Google'd: "How to make new friends."
The moral of this initial post is that I was amazed at how much the online platform gave me support, encouragement, acceptance. . . I was surprised that I found my old-fashioned self preferring, and relying on, online communities to help feel more supported and socialized as a new mom. And I knew that if I could talk through another traumatic play date experience before or after my public humiliation, I actually felt more calm, confident, and laughed off my uncanny ability to make what should be a normal social outing a train wreck of awkwardness.
The truth of the matter is that mothering without an even semi-close mommy cohort hurt my daughter as well as myself. I could deal, but my daughter didn't need to miss out as a result. We humans are a communal and intertwined bunch, and for a family to feel isolated is, in my belief, against human nature. Especially in these times. I would genuinely wonder things like: Is there such a thing as being too nice? Is it because I only showered twice this week? I think as the pond gets bigger, the harder it can be to find fish that are alike, and that it takes some of us more time than others. But if I needed to create a mom-E-community to help it along, I'm sure I wouldn't be the only one to benefit. Writing has been a great way for me to dust off my English degree, reflect on the ever-so-quickening time I have with my daughter, and, in the process, discover the lessons each stage of motherhood brings.
So. . . Wanna be Sista?
Tags: parenting, motherhood, community, children (add/remove)
